Miguel?
L'll be right there. Almost finished.
Mira quién llegó.
Hey, guys.
Mmm, it smells good in here.
- Hice pollo en pipian. - Ay, gracias, mamá.
L'm sorry l'm late again.
Things are crazy at the hospital.
It's okay, you're short-staffed.
But we saved you some food.
So, did you decide what you're going as
for the Halloween dance?
Well, I was thinking Deadpool,
but the costume's a little pricey.
Well, how much is it?
Oh, it doesn't have to be Deadpool.
You want a Deadpool costume?
We'll make you a Deadpool costume.
- Oh, Miggy. - Mm-hmm?
What happened to your hand?
Um...
What?
Ah, shit.
Hey, you don't happen to have any friends
who wanna learn karate, do you?
Oh, what am I saying? You don't have any friends.
Sorry.
Hey, Sensei, when am I gonna learn to do some kicking?
I was watching this YouTube video
of this guy breaking boards and it looked badass.
Yeah, no shit. Kicking is badass.
But you're not ready.
Besides, if I don't get more students in here,
l'm not gonna be able to teach you anything.
You've thought about advertising, right?
Yeah, duh. 'Course.
Okay, I gotta run into the office.
Apparently your cousin Louie didn't show up again.
- So we're short-staffed. - Okay.
I know that your mother said that he cleaned up his act,
but it's just not working out.
Yesterday I caught him sticking his bare hands
in the popcorn machine. It's disgusting.
Mm-hmm.
You know,
Louie opened an underground casino in the break room.
Yeah.
Wait, what?
Sam's gonna be fine.
We met Kyler.
Outside of wasting a few bucks worth of tuna,
he seemed harmless.
Yeah, l've known plenty of guys that seemed harmless
that were real pieces of crap behind the scènes.
Come on, you're really gonna trust that Cobra guy
over your own daughter?
I say you show this punk who's boss.
The next time he's around, you corner him,
and you whisper in his ear,
"If you get her pregnant,"
"you're the one that's getting the abortion."
What the hell are you even talking about?
"Jungle Fever." The movie.
John Turturro says that to, uh... what's his name?
The black guy with the tax problems,
kills all the vampires. Blade!
I appreciate the parental advice, Louie,
but I don't think threatening a teenager
is the go-to move here, okay?
Exactly, you're gonna drive Sam right into this guy's arms.
Trust me, I date girls with daddy issues.
They're the worst.
- And the best. - Okay, then.
Maybe you should keep an eye on him.
- What do you mean, like spy? - Yeah.
Everything you need to know is in this thing right here.
All you need to do is get her pass code.
No, Daniel, don't listen to him.
This is how porn stars are created.
We're already in the Valley, she only has to drive
five minutes to audition for Vixen Video.
- Vixen Video, where is that? - It's on Magnolia.
Guys, it's my daughter here.
L'm just gonna talk to Sam, let her live her life.
That's the best I can do.
Cyberbullying is no laughing matter.
Sending a cruel message to someone online
can be just as hurtful as saying it to their face.
L'm not gonna name names, but the other day
a mother called me up because her son was crying
after some kids online made fun of his facial deformity.
- The kid right there! - The kid with the weird lip.
But today, our goal here is to make this school
a safe space for all students.
You know, if you're sick of getting bullied,
my karate dojo's looking for recruits.
Yeah, right, you hear that, Eli?
A little karate training and you're gonna kick
some major ass.
L'm serious, Demetri, all right?
My sensei's the real deal, and l'm sure I could
get you both discounts.
As enticing as that sounds,
I think we'd rather spend our afternoons
playing Crucible Control than getting hit in the face.
Oh, and one last thing.
While we're all looking forward to the Halloween dance,
let's make sure our costumes are culturally sensitive.
For example, instead of "sexy nurse,"
maybe try "gender-neutral hospital employee."
Instead of a geisha...
Hey, I got a great idea for our costumes this year.
- Um... - I was thinking...
I go as sodium, and you go as chloride.
And when people ask what we are,
we do this.
What is that, some dumb inside joke you guys have?
I mean, it's not really "inside."
Sodium chloride is table salt.
Yeah, I was kidding.
We actually decided to go as Laker girls.
Oh.
But maybe we can order another.
They're one-size-fits-all,
which suddenly seems like false advertising.
Mm.
I just need you to bring attention to the dojo.
All right? I want everybody to see this sign.
Do you want me to flash my bits?
That'll cost you extra.
No, that's the opposite of what I want.
Nobody wants to see your bits.
Just take the sign, hold it up in the air,
and spin it around, all right?
Do that all day, and you'll get your money.
Well, I want meth and a burrito.
You can spend it on whatever you want.
That's how money works.
Just do your job, spin it around.
L'll be back later, you got it?
- Got it. - Hold the sign up.
Hey, how're you doing?
It's never too late to learn how to kick ass.
What's up, fellas? Here you go, one for you.
Hey, bro-hams.
Wanna score those hot babes?
Try karate.
Kicks get chicks.
Well, we were just gonna go talk to 'em, but, uh,
yeah, you know, maybe taking karate lessons from a stranger
in the park is a better strategy, right?
Nice headband, bro-ham.
Outside, outside.
Sam?
Hey, Sam, I wanted to...
L'm in the shower. L'll be out in a minute.
Something big?
- What're you doing? - Huh?
Oh, I was having trouble with my Wi-Fi.
I wanted to see if Sam was too or it was just my phone, but...
I got it working now, so we're all good.
Have you thought about what you want for dinner?
L'm thinking about making my broccoli rabe.
Is "Shark Tank" on tonight?
Hey, Sensei, you told me to be here at 5:00, right?
Yeah, but today's training's cancelled.
What? Why?
'Cause I said so.
Wait, Sensei, there's something that I wanna show you.
Look, l'm really not in the mood.
But I think you'll like it.
It's a Cobra Kai webpage, right?
I made it in study hall. Click on the snake.
Okay, this is the sign-in page.
Now, I was thinking, maybe we can make an app
where you track your progress,
get a social media campaign going,
get it out to the whole school.
The possibilities are endless.
Oh.
That was my mom. L'll call her back later.
- Hey, was that just... - Ratt?
- Awesome, right? - Yeah.
I went online and looked up Guns N' Roses
and ended up going on this whole '80s rock rabbit hole.
That shit is dope.
All right,
meet me at the high school at midnight.
- Don't be late. - W-what for?
You wanna learn how to kick ass?
First you gotta learn how to kick.
I mean, I feel bad for Aisha, but at the same time,
I don't wanna dress up as a molecular compound.
No, I totally get it.
But hey, just because you guys aren't wearing the same costume
doesn't mean you can't hang out at the dance together.
Mm, speaking of the dance, I got an email from the school.
They're looking for chaperones.
- They seem pretty desperate. - Yeah, no kidding.
Who wants to spend their Friday night in a sweaty gym?
Well, you're off the hook, I said l'd do it.
Look, come on.
Counselor Blatt and I go way back.
I couldn't leave her hangin'.
Mom.
Come on, Daniel.
Would you want one of your parents
at your high school dance?
My mom drove me on dates, okay?
Yeah? And how'd that go?
- This is so not fair. - You won't even notice me.
- L'll be a ghost. - Ghosts are lame.
Yeah, l'm not talking about a costume,
it's just an expression.
Just promise me you won't embarrass me.
I promise.
Sensei, what are we doing here at midnight?
Are you sure we're supposed to be here?
Yeah, don't worry, my buddy's the night janitor.
Okay.
All right, let me see your hands.
Here you go.
Hey.
What're you doing?
When you're in a fight, your first instinct
is to use your hands, right?
You gotta unlearn that.
And think with your legs.
Uh, how do I think with my legs?
Well, you just, uh...
Oh!
Use those legs, kick your way out.
Shit.
L'm drowning.
Drowning is for pussies, all right?
Don't be a pussy. Use your legs.
Probably should've asked him if he knew how to swim.
Please. Not again, l'll die.
Cobra Kai never die. Say it.
Cobra Kai never die.
Say it like your life depends on it.
Cobra Kai never dies!
Now, l'm not gonna help you this time, all right?
All right, you have all the power in your legs you need.
Use it to kick your way up.
- Do you understand? - Yes, Sensei.
Come on, come on.
Yes, that's it! Keep kicking.
- Huh! - Harder.
Come on, princess.
Huh, hyah! Huh!
- Harder. - Hyah!
Keep that leg up, like a man!
- Huh! - Hyah!
Kick your enemy in the face.
No mercy.
Three minutes, keep going.
Yeah!
That's it.
Ten minutes!
Hey, what the hell are you doing?
Oh, shit. We gotta go, we gotta go.
You're not allowed in here!
- I thought you knew this guy! - Of course not, I lied.
- Aww! - Run!
I wish I could show my mom what I did to those boards,
but if she knew where I was right now, she would kill me.
Ugh.
- What's wrong with you? - Nothing.
Put your costume on.
L'm driving you to that dance,
and we're gonna pick up some more students.
What the hell is that?
This is my Halloween costume.
My ya-ya made it. It started off as Deadpool.
Then I think it was Spider-Man, and then it just kinda became
some generic superhero.
Yeah, a poor one at that.
- You're Poor-Man. - Yeah.
Well, I can't let you go out like that.
We have a reputation to uphold.
What do you suggest?
Oh, skeleton. Classic. Nice.
Thanks. I like your sorcerer costume.
Sorcerer? Please.
- L'm a necromancer. - What?
Didn't you see "The Amulet"?
So are you a regular doctor, or...
Plastic surgeon. I fix lips.
Nice.
All right, y'all, we're 'bout to switch it up.
Thanks for reaching out to chaperone.
That was so kind of you.
Well, I just wanna make sure
the kids are having a good night.
Aww.
Hey, guys, check out this rad Internet site.
W-W-W, period, Cobra Kai, period,
C-O-M, all lowercase.
Uh, thanks?
Hey, just... L'll be right back.
Okay.
- Hey. - Hey.
I like your costume.
Thanks, it, uh,
doesn't really work without the chloride.
I don't know, sodium's pretty badass.
It's the silent killer.
- Hey, look, I... - It's okay.
L'd rather go as sexy than funny too,
if I had that option.
Don't say that.
Hey, Sam, come over, we're gonna go live.
- Get your ass over here. - One second.
Can we make plans to hang out soon?
It's been way too long.
L'd love that.
Stay salty, my friend.
- Hurry up. - Come on, let's go.
- Punch? - Oh, hey, thanks.
I was kinda hoping you would show up in costume.
Maybe a karate gi?
No, oh, God, I haven't worn one of those in a while.
You know, I still can't believe you and Ali broke up
after high school.
Things change.
Sometimes.
Hold on a sec.
What do you think you're doing?
Promoting my business.
Why don't you try minding yours?
Minding mine? Y-you...
You know what? Look, this is...
This is ridiculous, okay?
We can both be adults here.
I just don't know why you'd ever wanna bring back Cobra Kai
after what your sensei did to you.
'Cause l'm not Kreese. And the lessons worked.
Strike first, no mercy. Real good lessons.
If you think l'm gonna let you fill these kids' heads
with that garbage, you're nuts, man.
Yeah, is that why you're following me around?
L'm not following you around. L'm here to...
Kyler, where are we going?
You'll see.
You know, you gotta get off school property, okay?
Listen, y-you can't be here.
L'm serious.
I know you're serious.
Okay, are we ready?
Let's ask the Dragon Queens to dance.
Slow your roll, we got time.
No, no...
Shit.
We just lost one to Doctor Who.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Yeah, me too.
That punch is going right through me.
Oh, my God, how pathetic.
She's like a pig at a trough.
So, what did you wanna show me?
Um, it's in my pocket. Can you help me with the belt?
Yeah.
- It's so hard. - Almost, right?
All right, hey, that's enough, come on.
Dad, what are you doing?
No, no, no, you don't understand.
No, I understand plenty, okay?
I knew there was something off about you
when you wouldn't eat the toro.
Dad, you said you wouldn't embarrass me.
Sam, trust me, this guy's bad news, okay?
I was gonna give her this.
Uh, this, uh, this was my grandma's,
and I wanted to give it to Sam.
- Sam. - Don't talk to me.
Sam! S...
Excuse me.
Hey, can we get out of here, please?
Not yet. Wait for it.
We got it too!
Piggy, piggy!
Cheeto pig!
First high school dance in the books,
and we didn't even make an attempt.
Well, statistically speaking, zero for zero
is better than zero for one, so it could've been worse.
Yo, so frustrated, man.
I was just about to give her the bracelet.
Like that cheap one you gave to that East Valley slut?
Yeah, it worked on her, so might as well try it again.
But Sam's dad had to ruin everything.
L'm sorry, dude, you had her in the palm of your dick.
Oh!
Oh, shit.
You better watch out, 'Rhea.
That bum's not here to save you this time.
Yeah, he's not a bum, he's my sensei.
Watch out, guys.
'Rhea knows karate now.
Yeah!
Get him! You're gonna pay!
Oh, shit!
Grab him. Grab him. Get him!
No, no, let me go!
Ah!
Pick him up.
- Come on, Ky! Get him! - You're a dead man.
Please! No, no, no!
- Pound him, Ky. - Ah!
Ah! Ah!
Whoo! That was brutal, Ky.
- You broke 'Rhea off! - Yeah, man!
Whoo-hoo!
He had it comin'.
Why don't you tell me who did this?
It's not Sensei Lawrence's fault.
No more karate.
If you knew him, you'd see he's a great man!
There is no dojo.
L'm closing it up.
- Hey, hon. - I just wanted to brace you
for the billboard.
Mother...
Your note said he'd be gone two weeks,
and it's been almost a month.
What, are you saying Robby's been out of school for a month?
You gave up on day one.
Well, l'm here now.
It's too late, Johnny.
What, you looking at that karate?
No. It's my dad.